Tis the season

While I don't like the weather, I love this time of year. With 5 active kids, and busy schedules it is hard to find time to just be. We start 4H season in March, that runs through the state fair in August, that leads right into marching band season, which runs to the end of October. This year, I had something scheduled every Satruday from July 10 through the 13th of November. I'm not complaining, I love watching my kids do what they do, and excel in it. But it does wear on me at times.
This time of year however is my chance to relax, recover and regroup to do it all again in a couple months. Love having my kids all home for a couple of weeks, feels somewhat normal again.
Snow can go, but this time to renew is priceless to me.
Merry Christmas to everyone!

I stand amazed

Five years later as a parent of kids in high school marching band and I still stand amazed at the end of the season. From band camp in August, through the last Saturday in October, these kids give of their time and talents, and put together an amazing show that lasts around 8 minutes. Band camp days that are almost 8 hours each, add Saturdays until the first competition each about 6 hours each. Once school starts the only days off they have are Tuesday and Sundays. Countless of hours in rehearsal, and competitions, often giving up entire Saturdays to do what they do. This last Saturday I was privileged once again to watch my kids along with 170 others march in Semi-State competition earning the right to be one of the ten best bands in class B in the entire state of Indiana. They left home at 5 am, and didn't get home till 1 am, causing no trouble, doing a great thing. THESE are the kids that need to be celebrated, 170 kids not bullying each other, not out causing damage, but dedicating their time to an art that is so physical, they ought to get PE credit for it. The first movement is 180 beats per minute, so they play difficult music, all the while marching a difficult drill. For anyone that hasn't seen a show, here is the link for Goshen's Championship performance at Homestead invitational.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SVVFjLhPKxE
Thank you Elizabeth and Sara for your hard work, and sharing your gift with me.

Adjustments

While the spring and summer brought transitions into my family, fall is bringing adjustments. Adjusting to a busy schedule that 4 kids still at home brings. And one less driver in the house as Michael is gone to IU, and Elizabeth is still learning. Means I have to do a lot more driving than I used to over the last two years. If I never said Thank You Michael, I'm saying it now, THANKS!! You saved me so much running, which I would have used that extra time better, but hind sight is 20/20,
Chores are being shifted, bedrooms rearranged, remodeling projects in the works.
Michael is doing his own adjusting, while he loves everything about IU, he is finding it difficult to make connections. Time will allow that to happen, and I hope it hurries. Some adjustments are more painful than others.

Bloomington

Heading to Bloomington today. Mike moves in tomorrow. It will be tough and I have Kleenex in the van, but I also have several women who have been there before me lifting me up in prayer. They all know that while raising our kids to be independent adults is what our job has been all along, this rite of passage is a tough one to go through. He will be four hours away instead of right upstairs. He will be on his own, instead of here with us to back him up. I know without a doubt he is going to be successful there, and that he will love it. I knew that last October when we visited for a football game. Watched him fall in love with the campus, and all that is Indiana University. He may have some reservations, leaving friends and family, but he knows he will love it there, and I do too. Makes it a little easier to take him, but the Kleenex will be close by.

First day

First day of school is tomorrow. Will be nice to get paychecks again, but I miss what little free time I did have this summer. Tomorrow will have some tears, never fails that we get some from the kindergartners, and after looking at class lists, there may be tears from some teachers. The growth that these little guys go through from August to May is amazing. They really change so much, at least most of them do. They go from these scared little kids, to kids that are confident in what they are doing, can serve them selves in the lunch line and most of them can open their own milk.
This is also the start of the last year I will have one of my kids in my building. Will be a little different next year, but there are a lot of kids in my building that I look on as my own. I know they aren't having the best time of it at their own home. My thoughts and prayers go with them often, wondering what they would be like in a different home. One with parents that care.
It is in those moments, when I hear stories of what some kids have to deal with at home, that I realize how lucky I was, and how lucky my kids are to have what we have. My family isn't perfect, but it is one I can always count on in times of trouble, and I can always count on them being there.

To go or not to go

We leave for state fair tomorrow. Part of me would rather stay home. This summer has sped by at a blistering pace. I blinked and it was gone. I go back to work the day after we get home, not long after that we take Mike to IU. He is staying home from state fair to try to get a little more time with his HS friends before everyone leaves. I don't blame him, but I'll miss him while we are at state fair. First time ever that we will go down to state fair incomplete. I'll ask for a table for 6 for the first time when we go out to eat.
I know we will have a good time, and Mike will here. Jayme and Sara both want to show spots at state fair, Sara for a plaque, and Jayme for a jacket when they complete the required time. The kids will swim in the hotel pool and make new friends from around the state, and reconnect with old ones. Staying home has it's positives, but going does as well. So we will go, and life will speed along faster and faster. Sometimes I'd just like a time out.

Worthy

About a month ago we were in the thick of getting ready for Mike's open house. Trying to do all those things that just never seem to get done. I was feeling overwhelmed. I had asked different family members for help on different things, and the response I was given was not what I was hoping for. It made me feel worthless, like what I wanted or felt didn't matter to anyone. I was in the barn with the showpigs, and noticed the feeders were empty, yet another thing that needed done that no one else was doing. So I filled feeders, all the while my depression building. Once I was done, I grabbed a bucket, flipped it upside down and sat there in the pen with the pigs (it is something we do to train them to be calm around people) because that is where I felt I belonged at the time, not worthy of anything better. Sent a text to a very dear friend of mine to pray as my mind was not in a good place. Finally felt a little more under control, but not ready to talk to anyone yet, so I got a pig out and went for a walk. I came around the corner of the barn and looked up to see the house and trees ablaze in color. It was stunning, I turned around to see the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen in my life. God spoke to me in that moment and let me know that even if I were the only one left, I was worthy of that gift.
I love it when God uses something pretty simple like a sunset to teach me a lesson.

Rites of passage

I have watched two rites of passage this week, with my two oldest. We took Mike to IU Bloomington, for new student orientation, and Elizabeth passed the test for her learners permit. Both signs that my kids are moving towards adulthood. For someone that has looked forward to the last day of school every school year and dreaded the first day, it isn't an easy time for me. Summers are my favorite time of year, I have my kids at home all the time. It isn't always easy, we have our share of fights and arguments, but the good times are worth it.
Mike will move into Wright Hall on August 22. After the visit, I know this is the place for him. I knew it last October when I watched him fall in love with the campus at a IU football game. He will do well here, there will be bumps, but he will get through them without me. Things will be different, with him and with Elizabeth. She is headed towards more freedom, once she gets her license, things will change for us again. I know it is what we are supposed to see happen with our kids, to watch them progress and grow and become independent, would be nice if it wasn't so hard after all it means we were successful parents. We have done our job well when they get out on their own and the fly. Maybe by the time it gets to be Matt's turn in these things, I'll have it down pat....but I doubt it.

what would you do without

With the recent storms blowing through, and with many in our area losing power for an extended period of time, I wondered what I would do without given the choice. Tv isn't a huge deal for me at the moment, trying to give that thing less of my time, internet is a keeper, fridge, micro and freezer. Going without lights wasn't the worse thing in the world, I think I could do that. But if I had to do without electric lights I think I would get the kind of kerosene lamps that the Amish use, much brighter than my oil lamps.
Sometimes our lives get so clutter with stuff. Doesn't seem to matter if it is electronics, or things. It is one of the things that I think the amish do right, less clutter, less stuff, less stress in a lot of ways.
We are working on cleaning up clutter, Mike's open house helped the outside, need to tackle the inside now.
Down size stuff will hopefully down size stress.

Show season

The last day of school was Thursday the 27th, which means this weekend sees us start to spend more time working with the show animals. We let the self feeders in the show pig pens run empty so we can start hand feeding them. Pigs are pretty smart when it comes to eating, they eat till they are full and then walk away. A habit I wish I could do more often. Some will eat more than others, we have nibblers, and we have inhalers. It is funny to watch the different ways in which they eat.
This time of year we switch to hand feeding which allows us to tailor a feeding program to each pig according to their needs. Gilts (female pigs before they have had a litter) get all they want and then some, we will work at feeding them more each time to get them big. Barrows (castrated males) will be fed according to their weight and rate of gain keeping them on track to be the right weight for their frame at county fair. We have one that is smaller than I'd like and another that is bigger than I'd like, each will get their own feeding program. We also have started washing them a couple times a week so that they look their best.
We probably spend about 4 hours a day just on the show pigs, doesn't count chickens or feeder calves. The work isn't necessarily the hardest, but it does take effort.
There are those that show livestock at county fair and complain when they don't do well, those are also the same people that put their pigs in a pen and do nothing with them all summer.
I have told my kids over and over, we can't out spend them all, but we can out work most of them. It is all about choices, and what you want out of what you are doing.
It isn't an quick fix, it takes time and effort. Much like anything worthwhile in life. If it is worth doing, it is worth doing well.

Present, not perfect

I had a very good friend once share with me recently that she realized she didn't have to be the perfect mom, just a present one. What a fantastic way to think about being a parent. How often do we get hung up on being the perfect parent. We as parents too often don't cut ourselves enough slack in raising kids. It isn't like they come with instructions. We don't spend years studying the art of raising children. It is trial and error. In my case, more errors than I'd like. But if in the process I'm willing to be there for my kids, to admit I messed up, and I still raise productive, good, God fearing adults, than I have done alright.
I will never be perfect, but I will always be present.

What will they remember

I recently read a post from a pirate I know where he shared about this age of instant. Text messages, emails, internet, ipad, everything at your fingertips and in an instant. Got me to thinking that none of these things will last. His thoughts were that this generation is losing the ability to communicate, and he is right.
They are losing something else as well, written word that lasts.
Years ago my grandfather went and served his country. While away he and my grandmother corresponded through the mail. Those love letters exist today in the hands of my mother. I have yet to read them, but want to some day. Micheal is reading a book published from Ronald Regans diary while he was president, I will read it when he is done as those thoughts and experiences interest me, much as do the blogs that I check everyday.
In many of the ways that we communicate today, it is fleeting, gone with the push of a delete key or gone forever with a hard drive failure. Pictures are the same way, all too often sitting on a memory card or flash drive waiting to be printed.
Looking back through black and white photos tells a small tale of life how it was, will our kids have that same luxury? Or will it disappear in one small click.

Another first last

Michael is at his senior prom. It is another last that I am experiencing for the first time.
Last marching band season, made state finals as the smallest school in class A.
Last Christmas concert, last pep band game. Last concert band contest. Again making state finals. Only three schools in the state of Indiana sent their orchestra, concert bad and choir to state finals. Only one school sent those groups AND their marching band. I'm so proud of the music department.
Last academic honors banquet, and today the last prom. This summer, he will show livestock for the very last time in 4H. He says he won't miss it, and likely he won't. But I will. It won't be the same without all of us working together during show season, won't be the same without all of us getting animals ready for show during fair.
With 4 younger siblings following Michael, there are many more last's for me. Probably won't be any easier, but hopefully I get better at dealing with those lasts.

In whose hands

Over the last week I have run across several occasions where animals are put into situations beyond their control.
There were the pigs last Saturday that were in an open trailer, no shelter from the wind, rain and cold on their way too and from the fairgrounds. There were the dogs being made to fight on Dr Phil, and today on animal planet dogs that are left to starve in the cold, or left to fend for themselves on the streets.
It is all about the hands their in, dogs, cats, even showpigs in the right hands thrive. Same thing can be said for kids. In my job I see kids everyday and wonder if in different hands, how would they be different?
I'm so very thankful for the hands that I was raised by, and the hands that raised my parents. The legacy that has been past along from my grandparents to my parents and on to me is one I treasure.

Pig taggin

Today was the day to take in 4H barrows. Wasn't great that the weather was cold and rainy. I don't like moving pigs when the weather is like this, gets them stressed, which weakens their immune system. I had mentioned that to Elizabeth, she said "yeah, but at least our trailer is closed in, you know there will be people that will bring them in open trailers." She was right, we pull up in line and there beside us is an open trailer, with half a dozen COLD sad looking pigs. I guess I don't get it, I don't understand why someone can drive a new pickup, but they can't go to Walmart and get a $15 tarp to close that trailer in some?? Elizabeth asked me if we could adopt the pigs, I said I wish we could, felt bad for them.
We can't outspend everyone when it comes to buying showpigs, not with as many as we buy, but we can outwork a lot of them, and in my mind that is the hardest part. It is easy for some to write a check without thinking, then put those pigs in front of a self feeder and not work with them at all. Their missing out when they do that. Pigs are such cool animals, we have a couple that will come to the gate when we get in the barn, and want to be scratched. Nice thing is they are gilts and will be around for a long time.
The little things make a big difference, it's why my kids don't play softball or baseball, they show during the summer. We often get our butts kicked at open shows because our pigs aren't ready, the idea is to have them ready in July, not June. Jackpot pigs are older, making them more competitive. But we go for a couple of reasons, 1. we get everything around for the showbox so getting ready for fair is easier 2. the kids get in show mode 3. pigs get on and off the trailer 4. we get some comments that we might be able to use to improve our projects 5. keeps the kids grounded, they have done well at fair, but they also know what it is like to get the gate 6. most important, time spent with friends and family.
The friends we have made since my kids have been in 4H, have been priceless.

Free lunch

Went to work today with a good attitude even though it is almost the end of the year and kids are WILD. Was met with the question, "Did you tell a kid that had been given an alternate lunch, they should pack their lunch?" I had said no such thing. Evidently a parent had emailed the school, upset that their child had been told they owe lunch money and the "nasty" lunch lady said they should pack their lunch. Wrong again.
It is the one thing I can't stand about my job. Watching kids come in, looking at the hot lunch, and then I get to hand them an alternate lunch, usually not nearly as appealing as the hot lunch. What I'd like to do to parents the ones that are habitually late, is take the family out to eat, say order whatever you want off the menu, and then when the food arrives, hand mom and dad an alternate lunch. I am not the one that put them into that situation, but I get to watch the fallout. It is likely these same parents don't go into McDonalds and ask to be fed free, why is school any different?
Now I know there isn't a lot of respect given to lunch ladies, not sure why really. We call it "white pant syndrome", is it that(I don't wear white pans btw)? Or lack of a college education? It comes from all sides, parents, teachers, tv, world in general. Is there something wrong with feeding kids???
I really like my job. The cooking part isn't my favorite, but when I get to be, (yes, GET TO) out in the dining room I'd like to think that for most kids, I make their day a little better. I know if it weren't for breakfast, and lunch a few of these kids don't eat. I know that a hug or a positive word from me, may be the only ones they get that day. Before I got this job, the first day of school was my least favorite of the whole year, and the last day my favorite. Last day of school is bittersweet for me now, means I get time with MY kids, but also means I will not get to see my school kids, some I may never get to see again. The greatest indicator of how well I do my job, is walking in Walmart, and seeing a kid run towards me arms open wide, jump into my arms and give me a bear hug. I'd take those anyday....

Cream and Crimson

I'm sitting here, listening to the kids argue in the living room. Thinking about the changes that will take place here over the next several months. Mike will leave high school, and start the next phase in his life, more school. This time on his own. Doesn't seem possible that 18 years have gone by so quickly.
He is trading one set of school colors, for another. Same colors, but much larger stage. The excitement I see in him is enviable. The opportunity he has been given is huge. I tell him over and over not to mess it up, he tells me over and over I know mom. But it's my job, and if my saying it over and over will help it sink in, then I'll take the eye rolls and the "I know mom!"
I didn't get the chance he has, and that is ok with me now. If I had, my life would have likely been very different than it is now. I can't imagine not being where I am now, arguing kids and all.
Kids have moved away from the tv, and the arguing to riding bikes together outside. Nope, wouldn't change a thing.

Florida was AWESOME!! The kids were terrific the entire time, but for a few little scraps and such.
Weather was cool, but warmer than home. Hollywood studios, Disney, Islands of Adventure and Animal kingdom.
Still working on becoming a better photographer. Have to post some pictures. I love taking pictures that I can turn into a poster. Made a really nice poster of Trevor, the son of a friend of mine. Spent quite a bit of time working on it, didn't like what I was seeing, scrapped it started over and like what came out. Cool thing is, it was my idea, not one that I replicated from one I saw somewhere else. I need a faster long lens, photo quality during sporting events is lacking unless I'm close. Saving for one has to start, they aren't cheap.
Had another order so to speak come from another friend, wanted a hat design, came up with one in short order, and now waiting on approval. It will also be a decal for their showbox. Looking forward to seeing how it comes out.
Going to post some pics from Disney, and Trevor's poster.
Later