Worthy

About a month ago we were in the thick of getting ready for Mike's open house. Trying to do all those things that just never seem to get done. I was feeling overwhelmed. I had asked different family members for help on different things, and the response I was given was not what I was hoping for. It made me feel worthless, like what I wanted or felt didn't matter to anyone. I was in the barn with the showpigs, and noticed the feeders were empty, yet another thing that needed done that no one else was doing. So I filled feeders, all the while my depression building. Once I was done, I grabbed a bucket, flipped it upside down and sat there in the pen with the pigs (it is something we do to train them to be calm around people) because that is where I felt I belonged at the time, not worthy of anything better. Sent a text to a very dear friend of mine to pray as my mind was not in a good place. Finally felt a little more under control, but not ready to talk to anyone yet, so I got a pig out and went for a walk. I came around the corner of the barn and looked up to see the house and trees ablaze in color. It was stunning, I turned around to see the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen in my life. God spoke to me in that moment and let me know that even if I were the only one left, I was worthy of that gift.
I love it when God uses something pretty simple like a sunset to teach me a lesson.

Rites of passage

I have watched two rites of passage this week, with my two oldest. We took Mike to IU Bloomington, for new student orientation, and Elizabeth passed the test for her learners permit. Both signs that my kids are moving towards adulthood. For someone that has looked forward to the last day of school every school year and dreaded the first day, it isn't an easy time for me. Summers are my favorite time of year, I have my kids at home all the time. It isn't always easy, we have our share of fights and arguments, but the good times are worth it.
Mike will move into Wright Hall on August 22. After the visit, I know this is the place for him. I knew it last October when I watched him fall in love with the campus at a IU football game. He will do well here, there will be bumps, but he will get through them without me. Things will be different, with him and with Elizabeth. She is headed towards more freedom, once she gets her license, things will change for us again. I know it is what we are supposed to see happen with our kids, to watch them progress and grow and become independent, would be nice if it wasn't so hard after all it means we were successful parents. We have done our job well when they get out on their own and the fly. Maybe by the time it gets to be Matt's turn in these things, I'll have it down pat....but I doubt it.